The Polar Bear in My Lap

Why is letting go of insecurities so dang hard?

As soon as I start to relax, breathe, get comfortable, the jumbo polar bear that is insecurity lumbers over and sits on me.

Since starting college, I've struggled with the way I see my body. Satan saw a golden opportunity my freshman year when I entered the competitive world of collegiate cheerleading looking to prove my worth amongst a team of seasoned professionals. The more weight I lost, the tighter my new "pet" clung, and the heavier my heart felt. I was stuck trudging through each day with a bear on my back.

I've come miles and miles since that point, and I'm so thankful to God helping me shake off the big ol burden and move forward. However, it still catches up with me every now and then.

Finding worth and fulfillment in something (like external appearances) other than God is such a paradox. I know in my head that true freedom can only be found by giving insecurity a massive shove and being out the door hand-in-hand with the King before even hearing the "thud" of it hitting the floor. So why is that so hard to do? Why would I rather bury my face in the fur of the thing on my lap, holding on for dear life KNOWING that ultimately it will only turn around and eat me for breakfast?

It's a slow process, good people. Starting a new 9-5 job has left me skimping on reading my Bible and talking to my Father a little here, a little there. And Satan has taken this as an invitation to smack the polar bear on the butt and send him back my way.

I'm not strong enough to shove it back out the door. But thankfully, I have a Friend who is.

Time for some re-prioritizing.


{If you have ever struggled with body image, self worth, or any other insecurities, you're not alone, and I would love to have a conversation with you! Leave me a comment and we will be in touch. xoxo}